Why do I keep walking back
into the Lion's den?
That's a simple
question that requires a complicated answer.
For a more complete profile of my testimony,
click the link over the title below
and read the excerpts from a letter written to a preacher friend entitled
"Where I Thought I'd Be"
Any time I share
these vignettes of our "walk through the valley of the shadow of
death" it's not to cry over what was done to us; I've already cried my
soul clean over all that. I share it to glorify our Lord Jesus Christ
showing what He brought us through with victory; to encourage others
who are in that valley to trust Him to get them through it with
victory; to show what an evil enemy we face; and to show how readily
some church folks yield their members to our enemy, causing their
hearts to wax cold toward hurting brethren, just as Jesus prophesied
professing Christians would do at the end. Our experience is a
proverbial "street sign" to show where too much of the
church in America is today in this unfolding end time prophecy.
this is Why I do it
First, an amusing observation.
Every time I run into some old friend I haven't seen for a long time,
their first utterance has become predictable. The first thing they
ask is some varying form of “...what
cha been a doin'....” For
decades, my answer has always included my trying to kick-start
another ministry endeavor. They typically ask something like, "...are
you still trying to do that?"
meaning, after the past
nearly 45 years – “do
ministry). Then they give me this vacant stare like I'm wearing a
foil helmet and I just landed from Mars or something. Their facial
expressions scream "...are
you just a glutton for punishment...after forty some odd years the
only thing your ministry efforts have ever produced is pain, poverty,
and failure...it's as if you keep walking right back into a lion's
den...why do you do that?"
I have no defensive argument.
By all appearance their facial expressions are correct. Sometimes I
catch myself thinking that keeping on answering the call to ministry
are among the worst decisions I've ever made. At times I wonder what
I might have accomplished had I stuck solely with developing my music
career; or if I'd continued building the successful
business I abandoned to launch into full time ministry.
I can say is serving the
Lord in ministry is like an addiction with me. No matter how hard,
how painful, or what the consequences, I just can't seem to shake it.
All my life I've been
different. I don't try to be different, sometimes I just see things
from a different perspective. Often God has led me to do things in an
illogical and unorthodox way. He did that with most of the people He
anointed throughout history. And I've dared to obey. Human nature is
to view anything abnormal and unconventional as wrong. A vast
majority in first century Israel espoused such a view about our Lord
Jesus. He was in fact different, and history has proven which side
was right, and which was wrong.
For instance, for most of
my ministry life I've felt called to the "Tent Ministry”. As
a little boy I was saved in a tent meeting. It was one of the last
tent meetings ever held by evangelist Jack Coe. Over the years, the
Lord led me to
work with a few tent preachers when they came to town. I did
everything from driving stakes, to setting up chairs, and I always
sat on the platform with the othe supporting ministers. Whether
Schambach, Epley, or any of the others, I was willing to lend a hand,
to learn the ropes.
Yet throughout the 1970s and
'80s, EVERYONE slammed my dreams of the "Tent Ministry" They'd tell me
antiquated, no longer practical, never gonna happen, etc (I believe
what's not practical is not doing what God puts in your heart to do).
So in 1980, we drove from Miami
all the way to Warner Robbins, Georgia to a military surplus auction,
just to bid
on a couple of Command Post Tents. That was to be my seed for the tent ministry.
the old canvas tents were too worn out for ministry use. On the way home, we drove to
Valdosta. We met with Gordon Shaw at Valdosta Tent Company, to
inquire about buying a used canvas tent. Over the years, several times I called David
Wine, to see if he had any used vinyl tents for
sale. I was determined not to allow myself to be sentenced to the
confinement of the unbelief of my critics.
considering my age and other issues, the natural man would conclude my
pursuit of the Tent Ministry was an utter failure. But like old Caleb,
I still stand ready to rise up and take that mountain, any time God
gives me the green light.
Since the early 1970s, I
dreamed of being on WRHC in Miami, WSWN in Belle Glade, and WEXY in
Oakland Park. All were gospel radio stations in south Florida in the
1970s. Those were some of my
earliest ministry goals.
Before I could go
on WRHC they switched to a Spanish format. WSWN had a powerful signal,
but that meant a
waiting list and expensive time slots. So I plugged into WEXY. They
were a small market, but time was an affordable price.
And they believed in my gift
and calling, and they didn't mind working with me.
In fact, they would
allow me to book time, teach
a series, and when I had
sufficiently run up my tab, they'd cut me off. Then I'd work
construction jobs to pay the bill off, then begin the cycle all over
again, and again. In reflection, it seems every penny I could scrape
together would be spent on some ministry puruit, except for a meager
fare to support a very marginal existence. WEXY and I enjoyed
a good relationship that lasted the duration of my time in Florida.
In the mid-1970s, Lester
Sumrall purchased channel 45 TV (45). 45 had originally been owned by
some businessmen that I knew. The people who bought it from the
businessmen began the original christian
format under different call letters, I think maybe WFCB or something
like that. It was
over forty years ago, so memory is a little sketchy on that. But 45 was
less than a mile from where I lived. I even knew Mr. Kearns, Sr. and
his family who owned the big Meekins rock quarry next door to 45. Wow,
the sudden flood of memories.
I helped Brother Sumrall and
Steve with everything from the earliest fund raising, to music, to
testimony. I watched 45 grow from a small room that looked like an old
abandoned auto repair shop, to a huge state of the art production and
The last time I appeared on
channel 45, was just before the TBN acquisition. Brother Sumrall
was there and he
showed us the new chapel (then
and all the new
studios. He was so proud of it all, but especially the chapel. With a
face beaming with joy, he told us he could
now broadcast live services there. Lester Sumrall was a true ministry
visionary. He did an impressive job and brought life to that once
dilapidated station. His expression of gratitude to all of us who had
stood with him since those early days was palpable.
I never got to appear on TBN, it always
fell through. I did help with the still photography at Miami for
Jesus (held around 1980) at the Miami Stadium, hosted by TBN. I'm
probably in some
of the behind the scenes film footage helping my buddy shoot stills
of everyone and everything.
Also, Bill Register, an AOG
pastor also built a small transmitter with a gospel format in the late
1970s. I appeared on his programming regularly. One night I gave nearly
an hour's worth of my
testimony. When the switchboard lit up, we began discussing my
doing a my own program there. Since I was sixteen years old, it seemed
everyone was always saying I had the voice and
personality for being a talk show host. Early pioneers in country radio
like Happy Harold Thaxton, Uncle Harve Spivey, Johnny Norris, and
countless other Miami country jocks told me as much. Even an
buddy who was a top
jock at WSHE, an FM Progressive Rock station in Ft. Lauderdale, said as much. I was visiting him
while he was on air one day, and he
told me I really should consider a career in broadcasting; that not doing so
would be, "a waste of a
good voice" (his words).
The last time I appeared on
Bill Register's station, I did a few songs, discussed some bible
subject matter, and with my fiancee in the studio to everyone's
surprise, I announced our wedding plans.
Then I got married. When I
finally came back up for air again, Bill's broadcasting company had
shut down due to under-funding
One Essential Point I must Interject Here!
we were poisoned in our home over twenty years ago, as many of you know
we lost our house, virtually all our possessions, and we were left
Within a couple of weeks we were forgotten and abandoned by
most of our church friends, except for maybe four or five brethren.
was my wife's sole care giver 24/7, for over four years. We were nearly
a thousand miles from our nearest relatives, and again, left with less
than half a dozen remaining faithful friends.
The worst of our
tribulation lasted seven years. It was a long lonely haul.
God He got us through it!
When we finally came up for air on the other end of it all, I realized some very important truths.
we would have had no church.
it not been for Charles Carrin Ministries, Kenneth Copeland Ministries,
the 700 Club, Rhema Bible Training Center, Oral Roberts University,
Charles Capps Ministries, and Jerry Savelle Ministries,
we would have had no prayer.
we would have had no spiritual food.
- Had it not been for audio cassettes and video teaching aids,
Think about that when you give!
But I digress....
By the time we moved to
programming spot had already opened for me at WLAC, a super power clear
station. The owner back then was a guy named Woody Sudbrink. He had
poured a ton of money into making WLAC the best radio facility I had
ever seen, bar none. At night when the atmosphere cooled and came
closer to earth, the AM signal broadened; then WLAC covered most of the
United States, parts of Canada, and reached parts of Mexico and the
Caribbean. Now I had my own little weekly talk show.
About a decade after we moved
to Hendersonville, Conway Twitty passed away. Soon afterwards, TBN acquired
his entire complex, Twitty City, Music Village, and all the residences. Now once
again, TBN was less than a mile from my front door. I wondered, "Lord
are you doing something here that I should get involved in?"
Back then while I was still signed as a staff songwriter at Warner Brothers
Music. So I wrote enough songs to fill half a gospel album.
I described the genre as "Brooks & Dunn Gospel" (B&D).
Each song had a
direct, blunt, and piercing gospel message set to a musical style
similar to what B&D were
doing then. Jan Crouch heard the demo and entertained the idea of doing
the album on their label TBN
Records. She dispatched a message to me to "over-night" my press kit and a few photos to her secretary. But the Lord had a time of testing and purging in store for
us. So the
timing for an album was not right; that is to say, "not yet!"
anyone who reviews all the other articles in the Supernatural
Signs and Experiences panel above, will see that it "IS" time now.
Especially when you read the "Twenty
Year Cycle" article. This is why I
have set up accounts with Amazon, Paypal, and Google Ads; and plan to
set up with iTunes as funds permit.
am not sitting around watching the devil smirk! I'm preparing to ascend
to Mount Carmel, to answer phase two of the prophecy that began with
"Hands of Fire"
sign. But I digress.
Since my ordination in the early 1970s, I have
never been deterred by the
unbelief of others. But over the years, being absolute about
I've believed with immovable faith; was often mis-interpreted as
And having the courage to stand
up and be different when it was right to be different, and remaining steadfast against
all opposition; that was often mis-interpreted as stubbornness and
demonstration of passion for
nearly anything, was almost always interpreted as my being angry and harboring
unforgiveness. But just as all hens are chickens, but all chickens are
it is also a fact that all anger is passion, but not all passion is
Most of the aforementioned
misjudgments and criticisms came from the immature who thought they
were spiritual giants; and from
the grossly scripturally illiterate who thought they were biblical
Now jump forward thirty-some
years. In late 2009, I felt the Lord reveal that He wanted me to plan
to build a video production studio on the back of my property. Let me say here that I don't sling the phrase around "the Lord told me this or that...." When I say He spoke to me, it is backed with the track record described in the article in the above panel entitle "The Prophetic". I don't speak or write these things lightly.
I felt He told me this video facility
would help us in ministry, as well as other small local ministries to
videos for DVD, YouTube, and other ministry uses. Soon “...night
cometh when no man can work....”
Prerecorded video and audio will preach long after we've been
silenced, and reach deep into places we will no longer be permitted to
go. Such a facility might
make that video production service affordable to some who are competent
divide the word of truth.
The Lord directed me to write a
particular televangelist about this. I
was to tell him that the Lord directed me to do this; explain my
vision; and ask him to pray about donating from his inventory of used
equipment, as seed to help us get it started. I was to tell
had a local pastor in town
with a great deal of experience in video production, ready to assist
Well, I had worked with nationally known ministries, and I knew how to
get it directly to him. So I wrote the televangelist, sent it in a way
I knew he'd
receive it; and he did receive it.
years later, I still
haven't heard any response from that televangelist. Is he still praying
about it? Did he
dismissed me as another flake who thinks he hears voices from God? Did
check me out and receive an evil report from one of my critics around
here? Did he check the Secretary of State and have trouble finding us
there? Did he think we are not a legitimate ministry? I don't know. Had
he listened to the Holy Spirit, he would have heard the same thing I
heard. As it is rwitten, "God is not the author of confusion..."
As far as the still praying theory, after eight years I doubt that it ever crosses his mind anymore.
My knowing God's voice or being
a flake, as stated click here “The
or click "The Prophetic"
button in the “Supernatural
Signs and Experiences”
panel at the top of this page; and then judge for yourself. Those are some of my credentials on
the subject of my hearing and knowing God's voice.
As far as evil reports, see
some of my teachings on the sins of the tongue, "Reviling God's Anointed",
etc. See what God allowed
to come upon so many of my critics; and watch what happens to the
rest of them. It's not my prayer, it's His promise.
As far as ministry legitimacy;
the scriptural and early church measure of a
ministry's legitimacy is: consecration, the anointing of the Holy
Spirit, the rightly dividing of the word of truth, and most of all
God's supernatural vindication. Those are the four pillars upon which a legitimate
ministry will always be built, and that is the
As far as any non-response, God will be the judge.
Had I been doing this in the
flesh, I would have followed my business
philosophy. I would have garned the contact information of every
televangelist and mega-church pastor I could find who had every used a video camera, and then launched a mass campaign to
everyone with a well crafted appeal. I have worked enough behind the
scenes with the big guys, to know how this operates on the business
side of televangelism. But I was not following their model, I was following
the Lord's directive. The Lord told me to contact this
brother, told me what to say, so I did. He never told me to contact
anyone else, so I never
not. It was not until six years later, that I even mentioned any of it to
anyone other than my wife.
Let me be clear, I believe this
brother is a
wonderful man of God, zealously engaged in the Lord's work, and he's
my brother in Christ. I DON'T believe he did unto me what he would want
others to do unto him, considering the gravity of the matter. I believe
he would've at least wanted others to respond to him. But I'm
just the errand boy. This is between him and the Lord.
My point of even bringing
this up is that WE MUST NOT hold offense in cases like these. The Lord
allows these encounters to occur to show those in the material/physical
world, and to show those in the
unseen world what each party is made of, and what's in their hearts.
The devil will always try to
use these encounters to entrap us. He can't whip us when we walk in
the power of the Spirit. So he tries to get us to walk in the flesh.
Because in our own strength, he can whip us with one hand tied behind
his back. But in Jesus Christ, he he's already defeated.
This brother has not deterred
or discouraged my faith. Securing that equipment is not my
responsibility. I did my part, and now I wait on the Lord. I stand
ready to launch that facility as soon a God answers. But God doesn't
need my help to do His job of equipment procurement.
And my announcement to the
power of darkness is this, I love that brother just as much as if he
completely outfitted us with brand new equipment. Because he is my
brother in Jesus Christ!
It's true, thus far all
ministry efforts for me have been one lion's den after another. But I
love Jesus Christ with all my heart. While I may have moments when I
regret being called to ministry, and regret answering. And there may
be times when I even regret being born. But I have never for a
fraction of a second regretted personally following the Lord Jesus
Christ. My only regret there is, that I didn't follow Him faithfully since the
day I was born. I hope I'll always be
willing to follow Him where ever He leads me; even if it's into
another lion's den.
The following are a few
excerpts from my curriculum vitae, and my journey to achieving
an earned doctorate in "Biblical Forgiveness".
answer to God's call to ministry truly has been one unbelievable
lion's den after another.
So why do I keep doing it? Well
go grab ya' some Pepto Bismal, get cha' a good seat, grit cha' teeth,
and hold on real tight!
First some Ecclesiastical
To the carnal mind, the
following may look like a huge hamper full of dirty diapers. But it's
not! It has an end that glorifies Jesus Christ. The spiritually
discerning will see that my life is a living warning sign from God. It
shows pictorially the condition of the Church in America; and the
hordes of judgment just over the horizon, that are already en route to visit her.
I rewrote this article several
times, and have the drafts to prove it. Knowing how critics operate,
I tried leaving out everything negative, but God checked me. These
accounts are a mere fraction of what we've endured. They're certainly
not the most caustic or painful incidents in our history. They are the minimum
the Lord would allow me to publish.
The burden of a prophet can be
heavy. We bear an enhanced responsibly to God for everything we say, and
for everything we fail to say.
I'm not one who believes in
airing dirty church laundry, except in extreme circumstances. This is
the first time I've shared these things publicly like this. I hope
it's the last time I need to do so.
I've been painted into a
corner. For thirty-plus-years critics have chipped away at the
integrity of my reputation. Since the early 1980s, the Lord placed
restricting my publicly defending myself. All this has taken a toll
on my ability to minister here. Human nature is, when someone stands
accused and does not rebut, the accusations are presumed to be true.
Think about it, what pops into your mind when you hear a defendant
repeatedly plead the Fifth Amendment?
But God knows I have done my
best to follow the Jesus model for responding to my
opened not His mouth...."
That scriptural context is so pregnant with meaning I must fight the
temptation to go off on a tangent and exposit here.
In order for me to even have a
ministry here, it seems I can no longer remain completely silent. I
must stand and defend. I can't give the appearance of “pleading the
fifth” against my critics' accusations.
However, it's difficult to
defend when your critics strike in stealth and hide like roaches
inside the church walls. So I have administered in the regions beyond
my version of what I call
Having stated all that, why do
I keep coming back for more? Stay tuned!
following fact pattern
Imagine for moment, you and
your spouse have both been poisoned. You lost your home and virtually
everything you've acquired in life due to contamination. Over the
next 17-months your spouse will require 15 trips to the hospital
emergency room. Your spouse becomes bedridden and in very fragile
condition, and will be so for several years.
You're a thousand miles from
family, and there's no one else to help. So you are their sole
caregiver 24/7. They are in such helpless fragile condition you must
do everything one would do to care for a baby, and more. They cannot
even get into or out of bed without help.
Since they had recently
experienced episodes of syncope (loss
of consciousness) they cannot
be left alone. So you must abandon your successful music career and
ministry aspirations to care for them. That means you cannot work,
attend church, or anything that requires leaving them for more than
a half-hour to an hour at a time, maximum.
After a few months
the clock care, and sleep coming in two hour increments, you become
exhausted. Physicians had warned you that without help, the sole
care-giver always eventually burns out. So you cry out for help to the
same church folks
who used to tell you both how much they loved you. But malignant
gossip, spread over several decades, had caused nearly everyone to turn
deaf ear to your cry.
Behind your back, they'd say to
each other that you should be out working, and you should be in
church. Had they helped just by sitting with your spouse, you
would’ve done both.
With such brazen cavalier, they
break virtually every commandment principle in scripture regarding
helping the poor, the sick, and those in need. They ultimately judge
you unworthy of their help. And worse, they influence others from
Then to top it all off, you
MUST forgive them ALL for EVERYTHING!
But wait, there's more! No,
this is not an infomercial. There really is more; vastly more than time
space would permit me to share. When all this began, they had already
been doing this for more than a dozen years, with few exceptions.
Honestly, there is so much more I could tell. If I
were an unbeliever and I witnessed someone treating
another human being the way some church folks have treated me, and
they claimed to be a Christian, I wouldn’t believe them; nor would
I want to become a Christian, if it meant becoming like them.
I wonder how many of my critics
could endure thirty some years of what has been meted out to us? How
many would still want to serve in ministry to the same community who
had done this to them? I wonder how many of them would even want to
go to church anymore?
Yet I still have a burden in my heart to minister
here. I keep coming back for
more. Why? Because I'm doing it for the One who gave me that burden;
the One who called me, sent me,
and vindicated me with His supernatural signs. To verify these
supernatural signs click here “Unusual
the “Unusual Signs”
button at the top of this page. Then go
through all of them and judge for yourself.
The World Title
Let me say
that there were
a few wonderful exceptions within the church. There were the
aforementioned prayer support from Copeland, Rhema, Happy Caldwell's
church, ORU, Charles Carrin, Derek Prince, and other out-of-state
ministries. Having them hold us in prayer is a whole
separate testimony in and of itself. The miraculous victories were
staggering! Our friends in
ministry in Boyton Beach, Florida stood by us like pillars through the
worst of it. But of the multitude of
people around here who knew us, and knew of our intense suffering and
condition, only a very few people helped very much at all.
Occasionally, the Lord would allow someone to cross our path, and
help us for a week or two. And each time we were gratefully refreshed
beyond words. But our need was so great that those few souls
quickly became overwhelmed and exhausted. Because it was too much for
two or three
people to bear. So I bore it, mostly alone.
The Bottom Line:
did unto us as
they would have others do unto them;
loved us as Christ loved
loved us (neighbors)
as they loved themselves;
would have ever treated
their spouse, their kids, or their parents the way they treated us; and
dare agree with me in prayer that they reap a rich harvest from many
of the seeds they have sown in response to our cries for help
during that crises. If any of them would, let them come to me and I
will haply pray a prayer of agreement that "they so reap abundantly,
Don't get me wrong, I don't desire to pray evil on anyone. But I will
not have this true testimony dipsuted without consequence.
I cried out to the Lord about
it, telling Him they would never do their families that way. If ever
I've heard Him answer, He said to me “...they
so responded because they don't think of you as their real family;
but I do....” and
He concluded with “...every
time they did this unto you (one of the least of these my brethren)
it unto Me....” And
we know the destination of the group cited in that passage of
scripture. But He
also assured me that "...because
they turned a deaf ear to your cry when you were poor and destitute,
the time will come when they will cry out repeatedly for deliverance,
and I will hear their cry, I will not
listen...." That is a frightening "Rhema", but I believe it is from the Lord.
NOTE: As state, if anyone doubts whether I
know the voice of God, click here “Prophetic”
or click the “Unusual
button at the top of this
page, and then click the “Prophetic”
Growing up in Miami, being
involved in the music scene there since the early 1960s, and being
involved in ministry since the early 1970s, I've witnessed a lot of
evil acts carried out by evil people. The music scene was smothered
in drugs. Most of my ministry work back then involved street
I've personally known several
drug smugglers who served time for doing that.
I've personally known junkies
strung out on heroin, who in desperation committed appalling acts
against people they loved, just to get a fix.
In the 1960s, I personally knew
people who served time for being involved in organized crime.
I've played in the roughest bars, places we
called “knife and pistol
joints” where I had to pray my way out sometimes just to get out alive. Before I turned eighteen, I was held
at gunpoint on three different occasions.
I've been “Black
Music Row in Nashville. I've had the career I dreamed of since I was
a pre-schooler destroyed without cause or justification. My wife and I endured
years of hardness paying our dues, worked hard for what we
accomplished, and it was something my parents sacrificed greatly to
facilitate, all my life. Music was to be our “Tent
support our ministry endeavors. But it was all destroyed without just
cause, by evil cold-hearted people controlled and driven by a spirit that hates the
Holky Spirit in me.
I've been betrayed by people I
loved and trusted.
I've been falsely accused of
acts I wouldn't dream of committing.
And as a little four year old
boy I was repeatedly sexually assaulted for about a year or more.
I began a time of bed-wetting, my mother didn't know the trauma I had
experienced. She would whip me with a belt everytime I wet my bed. With
each strike of the belt she would yell things like "...you're just too damn lazy to get up and go to the bathroom...I won't stand for a child of mine to grow up to be lazy...."
me be clear, I love my mother and miss her every day. She was a real
cola miner's daughter, ws married abut six weeks after she turned
fifteen; and I was born exactl four weeks after she turned sixteen. She
was a child having a child. Not much was known about the effects of
sexual molestation back then. But to a four year old, that left a lot
of scars. But severa decades later, God fially healed them and I could
talk about them without pain or anger. Only God could do that!
When we were poisoned, just
like victims of storms, fires, and earthquakes, I watched everything
we had acquired in life get piled up by the roadside, stacked five
feet high stretching the width of our yard, awaiting trash pickup. That
is a scene beyond description. We
lost virtually everything due to contamination.
postponed having children so we could devote ourselve wholly to serving
God in ministry. We planned to have children once our ministry was
adequately funded, staffed, and established. When we began considering
family planning, we were poisoned. The absolute absence of compassion
by the church here resulted in an almost total block of desperately
needed help and aid.
made our recovery vastly slower and longer. By the time we were
recovered, the biological clock for family planning had tolled. Now,
short of an Abrahamic Miracle, the dream of bearing children has been
stripped away from us.
So I am well acquainted
with emotional hurt, physical pain, harship, being charged falsely, character
assassination, dreams unjustly destroyed, total material
loss, enormous life set backs, even being stripped of the dream of
someday having children. I am intimately familiar with all that.
But with all the aforementioned
painful experiences, nothing in my life has been more painful than
the way some church folks have treated us here; especially since we
were poisoned. I would never have dreamed people claiming to be filled
with the Holy Spirit could be so cold and heartless in their words, actions,
and excessive inactions. The church folks here currently hold the "world
title" of my greatest inflicters of pain in my entire life.
Yet, and for all that I still
keep coming back, and I still have a heart to minister here. This is
my calling. God sent me here.
For now, this is my bailiwick.
What might have happened if Elijah,
Moses, Joshua, Paul, Peter, or John had forsaken their respective posts
I may not rise to their level of importance in the eyes of church
folks around here, but the One who sent me here in this age, is the
same One who
sent each of them back in their respective ages.
So I forgive my brethren, and
I'm gonna love them regardless of how they treat me. It's not easy;
but dying on that cross wasn't easy for Jesus either. But He did that for me!
forgiveness does not rewrite
history. Only politicians get away with rewriting history. Neither does
forgiveness require the aggrieved to actually forget their painful
as if it never happened. Nor does it impose upon the wounded to ignore
the pain of a wound that keeps being re-opened by careless words and deeds. That kind of forgetting is
a medical condition
classified as "dementia". It is not
necessarily unforgiveness for one to review, rehearse, or even bear
witness to their painful past.
There are a lot of erroneous and false teachings going around
regarding the doctrine of forgiveness. We will address those, as the
above his Master
When I cried out
to the Lord for strength in dealing with these things, He reminded me
that a servant is not above his
Master. What the religious elite did to Him, they will surely do to
me. Then He reminded me of how He was treated when the Holy Spirit
led Him to Nazareth. He showed me that He didn't miss our Father's
will going to Nazareth. "THEY"
chose to reject Him and His ministry. He
assured me that I didn't miss my Father's will coming to
has chosen to reject me and become my Nazareth! He
assured me that if "SHE"
does not repent soon, it will be more tolerable
for Sodom and Gomorrah in the
day of judgment, than for this city. I imagine some around here will
get a laugh out of reading that statement. I can just hear some of them laughing and saying somehtin like "who does he think he is?" Rest assured, those who
are in such a depraved spiritual condition that the forgoing would
provoke them to laugh, here and now; they
won't be laughing when they face their judgment. I've been over there,
and I know what it's like in His manifested presence. No one will be
laughing when they get there.
Lord showed me how Hendersonville had chosen to become my Nazareth,
because she left her first love. She doesn't even know what that means.
become my Nazareth.
Shake the Dust
More than once I've been
don't you shake the dust off your feet in
protest against them, and just leave?" Because He sent me
and He has never told me to leave! Any serious bible student should
know why the "shake
the dust off" directive has
absolutely no application to situations like this. If He sends you to
do something, you "...endure
hardness as a good
soldier....", you don't quit! You stop because you
finished, or because He told you to
stop, or because He closed the door and led you somewhere else.
Hardness is not a closed door. If early Christians had quit when it
got hard, I wouldn't know Jesus Christ today. What if Jesus had quit
when it got hard?
Dried up the
A few years ago, one brother
told me it should be obvious what I needed to do; since God had dried
up the brook for me here. I went before the Lord with that, and He
told me different. He exposed that brother's heart, and
that he just didn't want to be bothered with us anymore. That was the
root cause and motivation of his statement. IT WAS NOT A REVELATION FROM ON
HIGH! Rather, it
was a polite way of
go away!" At
least he was trying to be polite about it. But it was in no way a
“Word from the
Further, that brother showed his ignorance regarding Elijah's
cave-brook-raven experience. He was ignorant of the purpose of each,
and specifically what "the brook" represents to believers
If the Lord leads, I'll exposit those scriptures someday. And all
these years later, God still has not dried up the brook for us in
Hendersonville. That brother proved his scriptural ignorance, and
exposed the demonic stranglehold the devil has on the church in this
God may dry the brook, and remove the burden from me for this region.
If and when He does so, I will be out of here like a cannon shot.
Being Out of
As one might imagine, I could
have had an easier road going somewhere else, exploiting the
supernatural signs, prostituting my musical gifts, etc. Turn on your
television and you can watch many who are getting rich doing that. I
could have done way better than this, at least financially. But how
much sacrifice is it worth to remain in God's will?
Being out of God's will is
an unacceptable state of existence for me. I've made too many trips
to the emergency room, with the life of someone I loved hanging in
the balance, to willfully risk being out of God's will. Spiritual
authority is one of the collateral benefits of obedience to God.
That's one reason the devil tries to lure us into disobedience; is so that
like Adam we can cede some of our incidental authority to him and his forces.
In one of my lowest moments of
discouragement I wrote an old friend, and fellow preacher in South
Florida. He walks
in a unique level of power in the Holy Spirit. He is a fellow Miami
native who returned to re-settle in South Florida. He, his wife, and
staff stood with us through the worst of the storm, and never once
faltered. To read a larger compilation of excerpts from the letter,
click the title here: "Where
I thought I'd Be".
The excerpt below is my conclusion of that letter. It shows how I was
in a dark
valley of despair. This letter was a turning point in my exit from the
"Valley of the
Shadow of Death".
It was written bluntly, as if we were
discussing it over coffee, face to face. I hope it will strengthen and
encourage anyone trapped in that same valley. In hindsight, I can see
the Lord's footprints right next to mine, every step of the way through
and beyond that dark valley. We may post the unabridged version of the
letter at some future date.
I ended that
letter with the following:
As I write this letter, I am
now in my sixties, and I reflect over the years. When I moved here, I
envisioned myself being at a place today vastly different from where
I am. My plan was to have a 30+ year old church that had given birth
to dozens of baby churches, with scores of grand, and great
grand-baby churches. I was on fire about aggressive evangelism.
I dreamed of having a
congregation today that on Sunday mornings at least half would have
their Greek texts open following and checking my teaching. I planned
to teach them basic Koine Greek, Hermeno-exegesis, Ante Nicene
History, Demonology, Bible based Deliverance, true Holy Spirit Baptism,
hearing God's voice,
walking in the supernatural, trying the spirits, and everything else
I committed to God that when
the congregation could sustain us, I would devote up to 6-hours each
weekday to prayer and study. Having done that, I knew when I stood at
the pulpit I'd have something to say worth hearing.
But gossip, judging, and
maligning worked their destruction. The venom from a viper's tongue
is just as deadly, whether it strikes from a pulpit, a pew, a phone,
or a dinner-table!
These bionic believers
called my hard earned scholarship “head knowledge”. In spite of
any efforts to rebut, being so out-numbered, the critics prevailed.
They are all without excuse. As I taught them back then, so I shared
with Copeland in June, 1995.
ANY Orthodox Jew who feels
called to devote their life to study Torah, can be supported for life
by the community. Because to the Orthodox Jew, studying Torah is the
most important thing they can do with their life.
ANY Muslim who feels called
to devote their life to study the Koran, can be supported for life by
the community. Because Muslims believe studying the Koran is one of
the most important things they can do with their life.
But as a Christian minister,
I wanted to study our scriptures, and then teach them to teach others, to help
The Kingdom. And these hyper-spiritual giants around here responded
by treating me like I was an itinerant peddler, hawking some miracle
elixir in an old west medicine show.
The bottom line is, the vast
majority of American Christians do not hold our scriptures at the
level of importance to which Muslims hold their Koran, and Orthodox
Jews hold their Torah.
That is especially true of
charismatic church folks in this region. Regardless of what they may
say to the
contrary, look at what they do! Look at their reckless interpolations
of the scriptures. Look at how they treat those who work hard to
apply scholarship and integrity to the study of scripture. They hurl
perjorative phrases like labeling "scholarship" as "head knowledge",
and "seminary" as "cemetery". If
Charismatic Christians here had really cared about scriptural
integrity, they should've put their money where
their mouths were. We did!
As you know, recently John MacArthur
brought the integrity of the Charismatic Movement into question. I
found much of what he averred to be over the top. But some of it I
welcomed because it was warranted. One warranted issue he
cited was the lack of “self policing”.
He asked why someone from within had not already cried out against
the heresies and abuses, and called for Biblical correction. He asked
why it fell to an outsider like him.
My response is simple. Just
look at what they did to me. Anyone who dares to question the
status quo, or challenge the powers that be within the movement, runs
the risk of being ruined, just like me. I remember crying out for
change on my radio broadcasts on WLAC and WNQM in the early 1980s. I
warned against defiling the church with politics, and its destiny of
failure. I declared that they could elect Hal Lindsey as president and
it would not save this country! (Hal had been recently named New York
Times Author of the Decade for the 1970s).
I screamed out that the only hope for America was for
the Church of Jesus Christ to repent for abandoning her first love, and
to return to doing her first works!
exposed how some ministries were buying cheap imported cassette tapes
for less than 45 cents each; loading them with teachings on healing,
prosperity, and deliverance; then targeting the sick, the poor, and the
demonically oppressed desperately seeking help and relief; then
the nearly 2,400% hyper-inflated
price of $10.00 each. I pointed out how there were laws protecting
citizens from con-artists, selling desperate people in adverse
circumstances, plastic jugs containing water,
for $10.00 a gallon. Yet some ministries were doing the very
of thing. Selling equally desperate people in adverse circumstances,
cassette tapes they claimed were filled with the Water of Life, for
$10.00, and doing so with immunity.
So I screamed out that any church/ministry who
as a "for profit" entity, and who was not substantially engaged in
expository teaching, evangelization, and helping the poor and
disadvantaged, they should lose their tax exempt
Apparently some people were offended.
Because before long, I
was off the air, no longer
funded, until at last my
voice went all but silent. Can you imagine Spirit Filled believers
being so offended and responding so destructively to an honest and
truthful word of correction? It showed where their hearts were.
is proving that I was correct, and the powers that got me expelled from
radio will answer for what they did at the judgment. Just wait and see
what else happens to prove my prophetic words correct. As I have
proclaimed for nearly five decades, "...time
is a true prophet's best friend, and a false prophet's worst
nightmare...." The best is yet to come!
But what a waste of our
sacrifice, gifts, talents, and so many precious years. What a
terrible unnecessary price we paid. How sad.
I could serve as 'Exhibit A'
to make the case that regardless of how big you dream, how hard you
try, and how long you endure, sometimes things still don't turn out
the way you planned; no matter how noble or sacred your cause. A city
can harden its heart and determine to be your Nazareth. If they could
do it to Jesus, they can do it to anyone!
Sometimes I do get
discouraged and the devil tells me it's all been a waste. It's true,
been too much sacrifice, endurance, and hard work. Honestly, the
fruit HAS NOT been commensurate with the sacrifice. But when I resist
the devil, he flees. Then I must confess God's truth by audible
declaration to the seen world and the unseen world, that doing God's
will is NEVER a waste. When God spoke through Elisha the prophet to
dig deep ditches throughout the valley, it was not irrational, nor
was it a waste. Time proved it would have been irrational, foolish,
even suicidal to not dig those ditches. God knew something the ditch
diggers didn't know. So He spoke through His prophet. If we trust God
and obey His commands, no matter how foolish or outrageous they may
appear to be, He will turn our wasted years into treasure. He's done
it for me countless times throughout my life.
Only He can restore the
years the devour has consumed.
Finally, regardless of how
it may appear I am not bitter, I'm just heartbroken. Nor do I blame
every church goer for my adversity. I blame the power of darkness!
God will judge the role any brethren may have played; and believe me
many did play starring roles in this drama.
But the emotions I feel
today are more like what I felt for a prison inmate who was recently
cleared by DNA. He was wrongly convicted by an over-zealous
prosecutor, using scant evidence, to prove a despotic theory, to a
racially prejudiced jury, on
trumped up charges, in a fragmented case. Like me, this innocent man
of the best years of his life unjustly, except his was by unjust
incarceration. I think of all
the opportunities that were stolen from him, and the shame and scorn
imposed upon him and his family. All the loved ones now departed, and
years of memories he should have been able to make with them, are all
His preventable injustice
was imposed upon him by the state; ours was imposed upon us by the
wagging tongues of church
Like him, I rejoice in our
anticipated victory and freedom, yet mourn for the loss of our 30+
years, which now
appears a wasteland,
the broken dreams, and all the loss. Like his,
our loss wasn't necessary, it was preventable. It was caused by
unbridled tongues, some intentionally, most just recklessly. When
someone steals your property he has robbed you. When he steals your
time or disparages your name, he has killed a sacred part of who you
are, and your very life.
There is nothing in me
worthy of boasting. But anyone who examines my spiritual record will
know two things about me: scripturally, I am not a novice, and I know
when the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. My writings, and the scores
of prophecies fulfilled with 100% accuracy substantiate that.
Unquestionably, God has vindicated me with supernatural signs,
repeatedly over six decades.
In fashioning this letter, I
have tried to be cautious, measured, and deliberate. I know if I have
lied, misled, or even exaggerated my account of these events, I will
account to Him for that, both in this life and at the judgment.
Yet, and for all that I
still keep coming back for more. I still have a heart to minister
here. Not because this region deserves it, but because this is my
calling. He sent me here. One of these days these people will know
the anointing and ministry they've soundly rejected, was really from
God. But my burden for this city, even this region still remains. He
put that in me. Until He removes that burden from me, I plan to
stay. But I must confess, I am growing very weary.
Brother, you know I'm not
one who slings phrases around like 'Thus Saith the Lord....', 'God
told me this....', 'The Lord Showed me that....',
etc. You also know
that just because it hasn’t worked out doesn't mean I missed God's
will by coming here. Jesus was soundly rejected at Nazareth. If today's
critics and analysts examined the Nazareth campaign solely on the
merits, using today's standard of success, determined not to consider
the Lord Jesus Christ was the central figure, they would likely
conclude Nazareth was a
failure. But we know it was not a failure by God's standard; and Jesus
didn't miss the Father's will by going there. Against all the critics
I remain steadfast, God sent me here.
As I stated, if I had been
the person critics obviously portrayed me as over these decades, I
would have never survived. Otherwise, when the devil sifted us like
wheat, we would have fainted.
And I'm no more boasting about
my supernatural experiences than Paul was boasting of his. Because as
with Paul, I had nothing to do with receiving them, the Lord did it
all. But I understand Paul's being “Betwixt Two”. I have only
shared this once, or maybe twice because it is intensely personal and
private. But this is how I see being “Betwixt Two”:
I'm living in a rat infested
slum (this world) while my mansion is being prepared (in heaven).
When my mansion is ready, why on earth would I fight to remain living
in the rat infested slum? Only someone who doesn't believe there
really is a mansion over there, would be that foolish.
Therefore, I AM betwixt two;
between the indescribable glory of being with Him there; and finishing
course here, and my wife still desperately needing me here. Brother, I
witness it is so beautiful in His Shekinah presence there. But you and
I know she
deserves better than this. When I see her suffer, it's hard to keep
turning the other cheek, it's hard to keep forgiving those who wound
us. It is especially difficult forgiving those who minimize our
suffering, infer we brought this upon ourselves, suggest this was all
our fault, or worse, say we did this to ourselves
merely seeking attention.
Then to top it all off,
there are the Breitbarters. Imagine an attorney using his superior
position over me in a law office, to coerce me into sharing private
experiences. Then feigning an interest
in the spirituals, to lure me into a series of conversations discussing
controversial subject. Then using his position as an inducement to drag
me into sharing personal experiences with family, and other law office relationships.
Then repeatedly steering the conversations into issues involving
colleagues on Music Row, and ministry relationships. All the foregoing
matters had been
resolved more than two decades earlier. Feeling uncomfortable with his
invasive questioning, I asked him if he could guarantee attorney client
level priviledge. Then he assured me of lawyer-client privilege. Yet
the whole time he was secretly recording all of
it. Then parties collude to take segments from recordings of my
iterating what were
temptations in my mind, that never proceeded beyond imagination, and
then merge them with utterances of literal statements and prayers I
actually made, creating a compilation of phrases purposely assembled to
make them say something vastly different than what I actually said or
distributing those artfully excerpted portions out of context. I wonder
anyone could intentionally set out to destroy me like that; knowing
what all we've been through, and how hard we've worked to recover.
It's difficult to believe anyone is that cold hearted and evil; yet
someone was. And they're still hiding like roaches inside a darkened
Let me be clear, this is regarding issues of
conflict with others, some of whom appeared to act in ways that tended
my ministry, career, etc. And then what my reactions were; what I
thought to do in my mind, what I prayed in anger and later repented of,
and what I prayed that I left to stand. And, my account of the
time-table of the offenses, reactions of the parties, and God's
responses. That's it in a nutshell.
other words, they did to me what Breitbart did to our sister in Christ
Jesus, Shirley Sherrod. If you Google Breitbart/Sherrod, you'll see
what I mean by that.
If they had seen what I have
witnessed when the Lord does warfare, they would tremble at their
future. Anyone who knows my full testimony knows what I mean. How
many has He struck, and how many has He removed from their place for
coming against His servant
since this "Hands of Fire"
anointing came? Recently, while praying
about this I heard something in the spirit say "...the number is now
That may have been the Lord revealing how many were removed.
But I am
confident at least that many more have been profoundly stricken,
physically and financially. And it was
not at all because of my prayers, but because of His promise.
Sometimes, I didn't even know anything had been done to me until they
were stricken; and I observed the trail of the serpent leading back to
them. He will
defend me in His zeal. And that IS
Saith the Lord"!
will I rather glory in my weaknesses, in order that the power of
Christ might rest upon me."
Spirit and the Bride
say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come."
so, come, Lord