Where I Thought I'd Be
"My Sacred Anguish"
THE CANARY IN THE COAL MINE
while ago, I wrote “Where
I Thought I'd
in response to an inquiry from a preacher friend who lives in the Gold
Coast area of South Florida. When I wrote it, I was in a dark valley of
despair. It was fashioned
to be blunt and conversational; as if he were sitting across the table
from me. I had to bear my soul with
someone I could trust. He was the only one in my life beside my
wife who I believed I could trust with "My Sacred Anguish"
which was palpable.
Any time I share
these vignettes of our "walk through the valley of the shadow of
death" it's not to cry over what was done to us; I've already cried my
soul clean over all that. I share it to glorify our Lord Jesus Christ
showing what He brought us through with victory; to encourage others
who are in that valley to trust Him to get them through it with
victory; to show what an evil enemy we face; and to show how readily
some church folks yield their members to our enemy, causing their
hearts to wax cold toward hurting brethren, just as Jesus prophesied
professing Christians would do at the end. Our experience is a
proverbial "street sign" to show where too much of the
church in America is today in this unfolding end time prophecy.
writing it was heart-wrenching for me, and it
is intensely negative subject matter, it is a purely truthful portrayal
of our ministry/church experience in Tennessee. However,
it was toned down and a mere fraction of what we actually
was in no way intended to
disparage the church, or to
indict any individual. While no one did unto us as they would have
others do unto them; and no one loved us (neighbors) as they
themselves; of course, there were a few wonderful exceptions among the
Body of Christ. This was not written in anger, but rather
with an intensely broken heart. It was actually a combination
cathartic exercise and desperate cry for prayer. It presents a
thumbnail sketch of our thirty-plus-year experience answering God's
call to ministry in Middle Tennessee generally, and Hendersonville
specifically, or more accurately "My Nazareth".
more importantly, it was a warning that my
life is the canary, the church is the coal mine, and an invisible tasteless odorless
deadly explosive gas has been loosed into that coal mine (church) and none of the alarms are sounding off.
friend hails from my home town of Miami. He is now
in his eighties, has ministered for most of his life, and he operates
in an extraordinary level of the power of God. Further, he holds to a
high degree of integrity, and his academic scholarship is remarkable.
At the time I wrote this treatise, we had known him, his wife, and
staff for over a quarter century. And they knew fairly intimately
what we had gone through. He and his wife had gone through a fiery
trial in the 1970s; and they seemed to have a special gift of
compassion for us. They stood with us through the worst of
our trial. Having said all that, I took the liberty to be transparently
blunt, and brutally honest with him.
who's looking for something to
criticize here, there's plenty in my life for which to do
that. I say that,
realizing there will be critics and judges who will have a myriad of
opinions as to why I'm doing this. This is the first time I have
shared this much of our story publicly. I realize sharing it comes
with the risk of being further judged. After much prayer and
reflection, I feel that if it will help one wounded soul to find the
path to recovery, it is worth that risk. Or if it will stop one critic
from wounding another
innocent, it will be worth the risk of sharing these intensely personal
following are excerpts from that very long
“Where I Thought I'd Be”
apologize for taking so long
to respond to your
email. This is a painful subject for me to approach. You asked for
specific examples of the offenses against us within the body. It is
difficult to produce specific citations. Character assassins operate
in stealth, and the church tends to offer them refuge and conceal
their names and offenses; especially if they happen to be wealthy, or
celebrities. Our case is no exception. Ironically, the very ones who
scripture commands us to expose, the modern church hides and thus enables and
facilitates. Though the tangible evidence may appear scant, there are a
few direct citations. However, the circumstantial evidence is
overwhelming. Circumstantial evidence alone, does not necessarily make
a weak case.
you know experientially
about some of the
unscriptural responses of the church toward us. You may remember when
you were here in the late 1990s, you observed a few incidents. We had
just returned from more than a year of treatment in the out of state
medical facility, after being poisoned. We were homeless, broke, and
living out of a mini storage facility here, two blocks from the church
you were holding revival meetings in. You saw how that congregation
turned a deaf ear to our
cries for help, while you were there. I even told you about it the day
you came over to the
mini storage facility to pray with us. Your disapproval was palpable
when you responded, “...they
just don't understand....”
following narrative will show some specific citations, as well as
general ones. But some are circumstantial evidence.
realize that I don't sit around wringing my hands all day, wondering
who's slandering me. I realize that I probably seldom cross anyone's
mind around here. In fact, I've had former friends who misunderstood
me, tell me as much. But when my name comes up in conversation, whether
someone shakes their head in silence, rolls their eyes, winces, sighs,
hangs their head, shrugs their shoulders, frowns, or any other such
gesture it is communicating something that reflects negatively against
me. It is by definition communication, or "speech" against me,
intended to be so.
vast majority of the evidence may seem anecdotal, but it constitutes
I have read the federal prosecutor's
handbook issued by the United States Department of Justice (DOJ). It
states the US Attorney General's directive for how prosecutors should
evaluate the viability of its cases. It has an unambiguous caveat that
AUSA's should not be too quick to pass on circumstantial evidence
Circumstantial evidence can be powerful and persuasive. It describes a
fact pattern where a parent finds a child in the kitchen, an empty
cookie jar, and no other person could have been in the kitchen. The
child can deny eating the cookies. But the overwhelming circumstantial
evidence is powerful inference of his guilt, and therefore an
indictment against him. You will find a train-car load of
circumstantial evidence in our experience.
a good part of our past
thirty-plus-years here could be summed up in one sentence; in times of
our greatest need,
they treated us like lepers. But
you know, we were not lepers. Not one of them loved us (their neighbor)
loved themselves. Not one of them did unto us as they would have others
do unto them. And not one would dare pray to God to please allow them
the harvest from the seeds they sowed toward us. I would challenge any
one of them to agree with me in prayer to God for Him to cause them to
reap that harvest. While I wish the no ill, I will not stand idly by while anyone does violence to my truthful testimony here.
you know most of our story. After all you
stood with us through the worst of it. But for the sake of
recollection and clarity, it seems prudent to present this fresh
chronological overview. Therefore, I will write it as if you know
nothing of our
history, with a few exceptions.
post-ordination years (early
1970s) were mostly spent serving in
evangelistic street ministries, radio teaching ministries, music
ministries, and some television appearances. Miami was pregnant with
young drug abusers, and I tried to kick-start several ministries to
reach out and help them. Back then, that level of funding was only
available to large established churches, not some young jail-house
proved to be a good vehicle during those
primative years; before the internet, YouTube, etc. A typical
was I would go on a radio station begin a daily teaching series. When
I ran the debt up they'd cut me off. I would go out and work in the
blazing sun to pay my debt off. Then I go back on the radio and
repeat the cycle, over and over. Nearly every dime I could get a hold
of, I'd spend on some kind of ministry. That was my only passion.
1979, I married the love of my life.
had always felt drawn to the
tent ministry. I had
worked many roles with tent preachers from stake driver, to gopher, and
always a supporting minister sitting on the platform. Not the least of
these were Brother Schambach, and Brother Epley. Critics told me the
days of the tent ministry were over. They said it was impractical,
expensive, and would never happen for me. I was not deterred by their
unbelief. My response was "...what's
impractical, is NOT doing
what God puts in your heart to do...."
1980, we drove from Miami all the way
to Warner Robbins, Georgia to a military auction, just to bid on a
Command Post Tent. Those were to be my seeds, sown into my
prospective tent ministry, as generously as my finances would allow.
CP tents were canvas, nearly rotten, and too worn out for ministry use. While we were
up that way, we visited Gordon Shaw at Valdosta Tent Company,
shopping for a canvas tent. Several times I called David Wine, who
manufactured the new lighter, cheaper, and more efficient vinyl tents
(my preference back then).
after thirty-five years, the critics still have
it; and I still haven't started that tent ministry. But like
old Caleb, I stand ready to take that mountain, if God should ever
give me the green light!
Life was Good
after we were married, we started building a
landscaping type business. The intent was for the business to support
us in ministry. Like Brother William Branham, I've never taken up an
offering for myself in my life. I always wanted to keep it that way.
The Lord blessed our business.
led us to a beautiful one acre property with a
little white cottage, built in the early 1930s. It had been owned by
an exotic plant collector whose sister owned an exotic nursery down
the road from us. By all appearance, that was by divine appointment.
We both inherited a love for plants and nature, that goes generations
deep. She all the back to her great-grandfather who lived in your old
and was inspired by his next door
neighbor David Fairchild, the horticulturist. And I descended from 9
generations of Georgia farmers. So we seemed to have it in our genes
to love dirt. We loved our little place, dressed in exotic plants. It
had huge passion fruit vines from Hawaii with blooms the size of
hubcaps. It had an almond tree nearly 50 feet tall; an orange tree
and two grapefruit trees, each around 30-years old. It had
Royal Palm trees over 60 feet tall. One acre tracts are rare in North
Miami. The entire place was like our very own little Eden. I looked on
Google Earth recently, and all those trees still stand except for the
Royal Palms. I suppose the hurricanes got to them.
little Eden was located a mile and a half from one of the key music recording facilities in the world;
Criteria Recording Studios, which was important to me. I had recorded there. Some of our
neighbors were notable celebrities like old rockers Dion DiMucci
(Dion and the Belmonts),
and Jim Sesody (The
Legends), of course
Angelo Dundee (World
Renowned Boxing Trainer), and other affluent
locals. Dion and Jim are also brothers in Christ Jesus and in their own ministries.
So it was a
blessing for us to live in such a nice area with such potential for
witnessing and other ministry.
of all, we were both in seminary, and part of a sweet little congregation.
It was not a spiritually demonstrative group, but it was otherwise doctrinally
sound, big on academic scholarship, and I was free to preach and teach there.
We weren't rich, but had more than we needed. We enjoyed going
out for a steak dinner a couple of times a week, or anytime we
chose. Life was good.
time, the pastor of our little group decided to
join with a denomination. He was a wonderful brother and friend, but we didn't feel led to follow in that
direction. The Lord opened a door for us to hold meetings in a former
Jewish synagogue in Hollywood. With my love for the Jewish people,
that was something very special to me.
was also seeking the Lord for further ministry
direction. Should we plant a church in the old synagogue, or one of
the other options? Throughout the years I had received scores of
prophetic words from reliable men and women I trusted. You
probably know some of them. The most consistent recurring theme of
these 40 or so
prophetic words was for me to pursue ministry full time and live by
faith. He was asking me to remove the financial safety net and trust
Brother Branham (BroBran)
was a great role model
for me. He was one of the most influential people in my life. He is to
what Paul was to Timothy; he was my spiritual father. He never took an
offering for himself. During all his years in pastoral ministry he
worked a day job and paid his own way. Not until he entered the
evangelistic field did he, to use Jesus' words, “live
of the gospel”.
Even then, he only received
a salary of $100.00 per week for the remaining 19-years of his life.
could have had a huge
ministry even in the 1940s. But he chose to intentionally keep his
ministry small, and
live a humble life. Around 1948, a wealthy donor sent two off
duty FBI Agents to deliver a gift to BroBran; a check in the mount of
$1,500,000.00. I calculated that sum into today's money, and BroBran
was being offered around $15,000,000.00 in today's money. BroBran
smiled shyly, and said he could not accept it.
He suggested they take it to Oral Roberts, or one of the others who
could really use it in their ministries. The story was printed in the newspapers. That was one of many things
that impressed me about BroBran.
I felt safe at least aiming
for walking close to
the way BroBran walked. My little business was intended to sustain us.
This way I would never be dependent on a congregation, and never be
to "board of backsliders bondage". In hindsight, I am more sure than ever
that avoiding the “board of backsliders bondage” was right for
me! But the Lord seemed to keep on speaking to me to step out, trust
Him, remove the safety net, and truly live by faith.
I knew what that meant. I
had studied the
scriptures not a little. I had also studied early church history
sources like Gibbons, Ante Nicene Fathers, Edersheim, Scroggie, etc.
I knew that the status quo approach of American Christianity to
everything from church
government, to evangelism, and about everything in between was flawed.
I knew we believers had to grasp why we were created, our purpose for
being, and why God redeemed us. Otherwise, we could never fully
appreciate or fulfill the purpose of the church. I knew
that Christianity in America was currently on a path to
extinction, without divine intervention. I saw how early believers' whole lives were focused
solely on serving The King and building The Kingdom. They gave their
everything, their assets and their entire being, including their
actual lives to that end.
For decades I've used the
illustration of a bee hive to teach this principle. Every bee devotes
their entire being to building and protecting the queen and her hive.
Like the bee, the focus of early believers wasn't on building the
IRAs of the day, some 1st century 401Ks or Keogh’s. They knew why
they were created, why they were redeemed, and they committed
their entire lives to fulfilling that purpose. And that purpose was
serving The King and building The Kingdom. Their passions ran so deep
they would spontaneously sell off assets to finance The Kingdom. If
God does not truly own everything in one's life, then it is
questionable whether He owns anything in their life; and therefore, whether
they are truly saved. We can no more be partially committed to Christ
than one can be partially pregnant. It's all or nothing! We cannot be
half-saved anymore than one can dig half a hole.
remember in June of 1995, I faxed a letter to
Kenneth Copeland, sharing with him how the Hands of Fire sign had
just began appearing. But I also shared my grief over the apathy
within the American church toward serving The King and building The
Kingdom. I wrote how in our meetings we weep and smile and other
emotional expressions glorying in the imminent rapture of the church.
misunderstand me, I long for
that glorious day).
But as I wrote, if we
really believed it was imminent, if we really believed at any moment
the books could be closed and we could be facing our creator and
having to account for what we did in this life, and how we did it; we
would be emptying our bank accounts before the end of business today.
We would do all those things we knew He had already commanded us to
do in His word: helping the poor, funding ministries, and supporting
missionaries. We would get over our fear of witnessing to those who
are lost whom we've interacted with for years, and we'd tell them the
cold hard fact that Jesus Christ IS their only hope! We'd all get
busy doing what we know we should already be doing. Those sexy little
retirement packages we devoted our lives to building wouldn't even
cross our minds; unless it was to sell them to finance The Kingdom!
this decision of so-called "Full
Ministry" was not a flash in the pan kind of decision for
was as serious to us as buying a house, or getting married. So we
prayed extensively about when to make this transition. But we began
preparing as if it was already in progress.
Held Nothing Back
when I had an accident in my business and
suffered a serious head injury, I came to my senses. As I lay there
in the Emergency Room, I took stock of my life. What if this was the
end? Am I satisfied I did what I was sent here to do? When I answered
the call to so-called full time ministry, we abandoned our prosperous
life and WE HELD NOTHING BACK.
was still the early 1980s, we sold our business,
we set aside our educational and career aspirations, turned loose of
our beautiful one acre property in North Miami, and left our
prosperous lifestyle to move here (Tennessee)
for full time ministry to the Charismatics.
We even postponed having children so we could devote ourselves wholly
to serving our King and building His Kingdom. We put all our assets
into it, devoted all our time, all our energy, and our very lives
toward that end. God knows and satan knows, we held nothing back from the Lord.
However, we naively believed church folks meant what they said. When
church folks in Hendersonville told us they were "sold out"
and would foresake everything to follow Jesus, we thought they meant
what they said. We thought it meant
the same thing it meant when we said it. It was clear what we meant,
because we had foresaken everything. But time would prove that
people around here meant something quite different than what they so
passionately averred. In fact it was almost diametrically opposite what
we meant, and did.
surely were not like the "worker
bees", and the
church here was not like a part of one big hive. It was more like a
multitude of hives in various sizes and shapes, competing with other
hives for worker bees. Those hives were being built by worker
bees with a "not my job" attitude about anything inconvenient,
uncomfortable, or unpleasant. In fact, anytime pressure was applied,
most workers bees would be quick to fly to another hive where little or nothing
was expected or required of them.
here some churches function
more like a hybrid of something between an ecclesiastical sports bar,
and a religious rock concert. It seems to be all about accommodation
and who has the loudest sound system. To this
receive advertisements that amaze me. Everything is geared as an
inducement to come and be a part of this elite spiritual group. As an
old black pastor brother in Nashville used to say, "you don't have to advertise a
By the Book
did everything we knew to do it the right way. In
one of the final Hollywood meetings in the old synagogue, a few
elders from around the region were in attendance. They each had known
me since I was a child. My old Tabernacle pastor, that is the pastor of the church
affiliated with Brother
Branham's ministry, even he was present. All were men I
trusted. I knew their consecration to our Lord Jesus, and they knew
mine. Those men laid hands on me to send me forth into this new phase
of ministry and life. When they prayed for God to be with us, a
powerful prophecy came forth through a blind man. The entire service
was an unforgettable precious memory.
final service we attended before we left, was an old time Pentecostal
church. It was pastored by a dear friend of ours. His parents and
several of my family members started the church in a cow pasture in the
early 1950s. There was an old prophetess there, whose prophecies tended
not to fail. She was renowned among what I called The Everglades
Pentecostals; the territory surrounding Lake Okeechobee. Long ago she had
prayed for a child with a club foot, who got healed. From then on, when
she spoke the people listened. As I finished a special song, which
would be my last ever in that church house, this prophetess broke forth
in tongues,a dn then the interpretation came. It was confirming God's
hand in our move to Tennessee.
soon as we arrived in Tennessee, the Lord began to
bless us and doors opened wide. I had a coveted half hour radio
program on the clear channel super power station WLAC, as well as a
daily teaching program on WNQM; both in Nashville. Suddenly, a
support network began to sprout up. The phone number BellSouth gave
us was 822-PRAY. A local dentist was selling his defunct restaurant, and
rented it to us for $75.00 per week, to hold our church services. He
sold us over 75 almost new folding chairs for $125.00. He also
offered to sell me the building on 12 acres of land for $125,000.00.
Today that property is worth around $12 million dollars. The Lord led
one lady to buy me a tank of gas per week. He led a local businessman
to pay half my weekly radio bill. The local newspaper did an article
promoting our little fellowship.
Delivered to satan
to me, a young pastor with whom I had
developed a close friendship appeared to turn on me. For the purpose
of identification I will call him “Pastor John”. He was a few
months younger than me, and also with a Pentecostal heritage.
reliable source in my congregation told me he heard
a tape recording of an elder's meeting at Pastor John's church. Their
sound-man happened to be testing the equipment one night and
serendipitously taped them. Pastor John allegedly led his elders in a
prayer delivering me over to satan. The source told me they heard
Pastor John on that tape in his unmistakable accent pray, “...Lord,
curse his ministry, curse his health, and curse his finances for
bringing that awful heresy to this town....”
doctrinal difference was over "Water
Baptism". Can you imagine that? It seems harsh
petty to me. I didn't learn of this until Pastor John had left town.
John also appears to be the one who started a
rumor that I was lazy, and that I just wanted to live off the church.
day while having lunch with Pastor John and his
youth pastor, he asked how we were doing financially. When I
answered we were living by faith, he responded in an almost scolding tone. He said, “...I
think it would take more faith for you to go get a 'real job' than to
do what you're doing right now living by faith....”
I was stunned at his gall.
Getting a job and taking
back control of my finances takes no faith. I am a journeyman in
three construction trades as well as tree surgery. I am an ABA
certified litigation paralegal with a decade of experience. I am an
accomplished songwriter having written for one of the most
prestigious music and motion picture brands in the world, namely
Warner Brothers Music. But more importantly I am a Spirit Filled preacher,
ordained since the early 1970s, and vindicated by supernatural signs,
wonders, and miracles since I was four years old, and I'm not a novice handling the word of truth.
That may sound like a lot
of “I am's”
from some insignificant failure like me. But like
Paul, I have been forced into the folly of boasting. At some point I
feel I must stand up and speak up!
It would take no faith for me to
cave and take matters into my own hands by getting a job. Anyone
could do that. That is not living by faith and trusting God. That's
trusting in your own strength.
had already told me not to
do that. Before we ever moved here, He told me to remove the safety net
and trust Him. When we arrived here, He told me not to get an hourly
wage job, or anything that might put a demand on my time that could
impede my ability to execute my commission; but to trust Him. Je gave
me about a dozen scriptures to confirm His directive. Ironically, I did
work jobs, just not
hourly wage jobs. I took work that was far beneath my talents,
skills, and qualifications, and always low paying; just so I could
have a flexible schedule that would not conflict with my ministerial
takes faith is
standing there in the midst of the storm, broke, with your entire
church world judging you as lazy and unworthy of their help; trusting
only in the God
you cannot see, in the storm you cannot flee, believing He will keep
His promise, even when there is
no hope in sight. That's what takes faith!
Then I wondered, did
Pastor John make a Freudian slip choosing the
words “real job”?
was doing exactly what
Pastor John was doing,
pastoring. Only I was doing it single-handed, and without a salary;
and a host of other jobs and duties. On the other hand, Pastor John
was fully staffed with four associate pastors, a couple of secretaries,
and two dozen elders. Did he really believe pastoring was not a “real
job”? Maybe under his circumstances it wasn't.
Pastor John left that pastorate less than a year
later, and I suppose he got; you guessed it; “a real job”.
confess, since we had put everything on the line
and held nothing back, and since we gave up everything to serve; I
did expect my family's needs to be met. And like him, I expected to
be paid by the same source who paid his salary. I NEVER once asked
for or expected the pay scale the Bible prescribes for those like me
who labor so extensively in the word, the “Double Pay”. All I
expected was for our needs to be met, to not be treated like
beggars, and to not be made to feel ashamed just because we
a need derived directly from being in ministry.
satanic accusation, or the “Lazy
have never worked in Miami. I could have produced dozens of
affidavits from those who had worked along side me. All my life I did
hot hard construction work. Pastor John looked like he'd never had a
callous on his hands in his entire life.
the "Lazy Lie", not to toot my own horn; but as Paul wrote, I have been
forced into the folly of boasting. When the poisoning struck our
family, I was 44-years old. By that time in my life I was a journeyman
in three construction trades, as well as in tree surgery; I had been
engaged in several facets of ministry for nearly 25-years, pastoral,
street evangelism, music, radio, missionary to Appalachia, and more; I
was a successful songwriter, signed to the most prestigious music and
motion picture brands on earth, Warner Brothers; as well as a host of
other achievements. A lazy man would never do that by age 44!
Pastor John and his youth pastor had some
indiscretions. Pastor John was enjoined by his elders from leaving
the city without a chaparone due to recent moral failures. A couple
of weeks after the above referenced lunch meeting, the youth pastor
ran off with a young girl in his youth group; forsaking his wife and
child. It would be unseemly for me to elaborate further.
a few months after that lunch meeting, Pastor
John resigned and moved away. He left a faint trail for anyone to
track. That made confronting him prohibitive when I was told about
the elder's meeting curse; being delivered unto satan.
became hard very quickly. But we did our best to
adapt and endure hardness as good soldiers.
NOTE: Years later,
after we were poisoned, when I was
able to get our life sufficiently stabilized, I found a forwarding
address for Pastor John. I confronted him by letter regarding the
alleged curse. He refused to admit or deny cursing me per the foregoing
description, and then ended our
communication with the phrase “enjoy
your life Gerry”. Once again, he
gave no way for further contact. Exasperated and needing resolution,
I turned him over to the Lord, asked God to judge the matter, forgave
the brother, put it behind me, and moved on. A year and a half later,
Pastor John died (in his
forties) after a bizarre series of events.
Shame and Ridicule
the rumors swirled and the “Lazy Lie”
metastasized throughout the local church community, the wolves began to
circle closer. They grew brave enough to drop hints like “...if you
don't provide for you own your worse than an infidel....”
also eventually pull out that little chestnut “...Paul made tents
too....” And of course the classic verse “...if he doesn't work
don't let him eat....” including the little cherry on that
"...mark him and have
nothing to do with him that he will be
ashamed...." And they diligently did their part in making
we felt the shame. When they were done with me, I could taste the
will resist the temptation to exposit the
previously cited passages and show their absurdity. But if ever an
abortion has been performed on the Bible; 2
Thessalonians 3:10-15 would be the mutilated fetus.
had a few scriptures for them regarding their duty
to "...know them who
labor among you...." and "...communicate
unto them who teach you...."
And the dozen or so
Lord gave me. His directive to me was to avoid getting caught in
satan's workaholic snare; which in the past, I had been disposed to
do. In fact, when I had the accident, it was on a huge job I was
contracting that I should have passed on. I was in seminary and needed
to focus on that. But I also remembered the recession in the 1970s. So
I had trouble saying no to an opportunity for more work. I was doing a
job too big for my team, and using rented heavy equipment that had not
been properly maintained, and was therefore unsafe. When God gave me
that directive to remove the safety net and trust Him, He knew that
certain childhood occurrences had left me with a
low self esteem. My mother's words would ring in my head, "...you're just too damn lazy to get up and go to the bathroom...." That drove me to work harder, for less money, in a
vain attempt to prove I was not lazy. Hopefully, you can see, the “Lazy
been satan's lie against me since I was four years old. Now the
church in middle Tennessee had become satan's new mouthpiece, and
the “Lazy Lie” my “Thorn
in the Flesh”.
most curious thing (aside
from my critics running
rough-shod over those scriptures) is that I was working.
In fact, I
probably worked more hours than they. Actually, “they” didn't
work hourly wage jobs at all. “They” turned out to be mostly women with
nearly grown children. “They”
appeared to sit on the phone each
day playing “prophetess”
with one another.
for what I was doing day and night, I was
pastoring a small church, single-handed. Anyone who has ever done
knows why predicated upon that point alone, I could rest my
I was also doing construction work, and tree removal
work by day; studying for and producing daily radio programs by
myself at night, preparing my preaching sermons, and writing songs
during my lunch breaks. Let me add also; my studies are expository and tend to be
rather exhaustive. As stated, back then I used Edersheim, Scroggie, Gibbons,
Ante Nicene Fathers, Kittle, Brown-Driver-Briggs, AT Robertson, et
al. A thirty minute sermon was the result of many hours of
to put my pastoral duties first (per
God's personal scripturally confirmed directive to me),
I did not take on a 9-5 hourly wage job. Since these bionic believers
didn't equate pastoral duties with work, the “Lazy
stuck and grew like an angry red malignant tumor.
quickly learned how it feels to be made ashamed
simply because you have a need. We felt the sting of rejection when
the reality of the bottom line finally sunk in; they had judged us
unworthy of their help. I knew the spirit behind this was the Jezebel
spirit. I knew it feared the Elijah Spirit getting so much as a
foothold in this region. A ministry like mine, teaching what He
had shown me regarding Holy Spirit power, the spirit world in
general, and those nearly 300 scriptures regarding our duty to the poor; all that made me a threat, and therefore a
target. Years ago, I heard a pastor say in an interview on national
television, “...God will
deal with the church, the same way the church
deals with the poor....” I cannot improve upon how he
statement. I wish I had come up with it.
shame was so toxic that it has taken years to get over it. About five
years ago, I had a plan to use the internet and YouTube for my ministry
and music. Since by all appearance I had been Black Listed on Music Row, now selling my music online could be my new "tent making"
and support us in ministry. I needed a video camera. But we had no
discretionary funds. We needed something to make professional looking quality videos, as
cheaply as possible, and not worthless junk that renders amateur videos. We could not afford to
absorb a financial mistake.
Komando was on a give-away campaign for her call-in radio show. When I
felt an unction to call her, I jumped on it! I wasn't surprised when
miraculously, I got through. I was the very last caller of
the day. Throughout the program that day, it seemed like every caller
had tried to impose upon Kim's
generosity. They tried to bait her up to give them some type of
electronic gear. That created a dilemma. I needed to stress to her that
I was very poor, and the sacrifice of buying a camera
was huge for us. Yet how culd I do that without it sounding like the
others; like I was baiting her up. My fear of another appearance
of shame was so terrible that I began to rattle on rapidly about my
dilemma. Suddenly, Kim's interrupted me saying, "Gerry, do you hear that music,
that means we're out of time".
The show was ending, and I had blown my chance. She did tell me,
speaking over the closing music clip, that I needed a "FLIP" camera. I was beyond embarrassed.
Eventually I was able to afford a FLIP. It helped, but was still not
sufficient for what we needed. We are still believing God for that camera.
Someday, God will give me everything I need to do what He has called me
But I cannot describe to you the humiliation I felt when I hung up the
phone. The devil began his rant with "...if you had never gone into
ministry, today you could buy any camera you wanted...."; "...had
those people on Music Row not destroyed your songwriting career and
Black Listed yu, you could set up an entire video production facility...." The devil was right on both charges.
That's what decades of church folks imposing a disasterously wrong
application of scripture did, to a couple who gave everything to serve
Jesus Christ. What had my critics sacrificed to serve Jesus?
when we left our prosperous lifestyle and came to
this place, it was a kind of culture shock. This region has a highly
concentrated music business community. That was a community I was
familiar with. When I cut my first Music Row recording sessions in
Nashville in 1967, I believe Hendersonville was a two red light town
back then. When we moved here for ministry in the early 1980s, it had
become one of the most affluent, rapidly growing, and prosperous
cities in the state. So I witnessed hundreds of scenarios like the
rich religious elite walking blindly past the beggars at the temple
could believers be so cold? How on earth could
anyone think they are filled with the Spirit of the Living God, and do
that? How could they
not hear His Spirit scream out His repeated nearly 300 scriptural commandments to
the poor? They simply do not understand what it means to be
“filled with the Holy
Spirit”; and their conduct proves they are not, so filled.
have always been zealous to help those in need.
Throughout the early 1970s, my ministry was almost entirely directed
toward some form of evangelistic street ministry. This forced
me to drill deeper into the Word
regarding our duty to the less fortunate.
I found was stunning and frightening. Aside from
the nearly three hundred scriptures regarding our treatment of the
poor, I discovered a direct New Testament link to certain Old
Testament destruction. For the first time in my life I could
understand how Jesus could say “...many
will come to me in that day
saying Lord, Lord....” He made it clear that not all who
they are eternally secure, will be saved. I had taught all those
verses for years. I had heard some of the most renowned Bible scholars of the
day exposit them. What I discovered is that just like other difficult
passages, many of us had missed something in them. I'm not saying that in arrogance, but
honestly before the Lord. Just like the Apostle Peter missed it, we
had missed it. Doctrines like the unpardonable sin, be angry and sin
not, let him not eat, the hem of His garment, Hebrew 6, Hebrews 10,
the Great Falling Away, Job's fear, Elijah's so-called pity party,
and a host of other passages; these passages had been victims of
hermeneutic abortion in varying degrees and on various levels.
I researched the etymology of “akarthasia”
was floored. Brother, I don't know whether you have ever used Kittle.
It is an exhaustive resource for New Testament Greek. And it's
equally exhausting to use it. Only about half of it is written in
the rest is mostly in Greek, Hebrew, and German. But for example, for all the
forms of “agapao”
Kittle has about 80-pages of data. When you study and understand all that, you walk
away knowing what biblical writers meant when they wrote "Love one another".
Well when I
I was not disappointed either.
believe I have the Lord's permission to say “Thus
Saith the Lord” on the follwoing: it is not the banning of school
banning the display of the Ten Commandments from government property,
homosexuality, gay marriage, gays in the military, or abortion that
has brought this God's judgment down on America. Rather it is something that
looks and feels so philosophically right, it looks so much like the
real thing it could “...deceive
elect if it were possible....” Truly in that
day, MANY will not be saved who are absolutely sure they are
eternally secure! It will contribute to the fulfillment of BroBran's
1933 vision of the
destruction of America.
it would take a couple
hundred pages to develop my thesis on this. But I am not a novice, and you
know that I don't sling phrases around carelessly like “God
told me this or that”
saith the Lord".
In fact, in all my life and the scores of prophetic words He has
given through me, not one "Thus
Saith the Lord"
prophecy has ever failed. I would challenge any critic to prove my claim
wrong. Anyone who challenges me on that had better count the cost and
know what they are doing before they ascend to meet me on Mt Carmel.
It's a long hard road down from that mountain.
you know that just because
I believe God still speaks, heals the sick, and works miracles,
doesn't mean I'm just some old ex-hippie wearing a foil helmet
chasing UFOs. I am serious about guarding the truth and integrity of
God's word; and the purity of His gospel message to the church. And
He showed me that the vast majority of church folks in America are
headed on a path for certain destruction! He even told me a few years
ago that most of the people I know around here are not even saved. He
DID NOT name any names, but I know it was Him that spoke! That's not my
judgment, it's His prophetic word. The blind are leading the blind,
Misjudged and Maligned
There is evidence of satan's conspiracy, and soe church folks' collusion. One
day a local elder friend told me that people we both
knew had judged me earlier that day. But would not tell me who they
were, or what they said. So he is another witness that I have in fact
been misjudged; and it was bad enough to be unrepeatable by that elder.
mutual friend of yours and mine saw my wife at
church and told her she heard that I had backslidden, had left the
church, and that we had gotten divorced. Brother, you know that none of
that is true. But that sister denied remembering
who told her that. So she could remember the rumor in detail, but has
not a clue as to the source? Lying to the Holy Spirit is dangerous!
I felt like the local director of Operation Blessing treated me like a
leper, when we came to him in desperate need, proverbially crying out
for help. More detail on that later.
old pastor friend (who
lives near you)
told me he had heard about
the accident I had in the early 1980s. He recently told me he heard
that my injuries were so extensive that if he walked into my room, I
wouldn't recognize him. But he wouldn't tell me who told him that. So
I know I've been lied about; just not who spread the lie.
there's the circumstantial evidence. Recently, I have
called, written, or emailed at least a dozen ministry and music
business associates, most of whom I've known for decades. In the past
they have NEVER failed to respond to me. They each know that I equate
friends and associates ignoring my communications as tantamount to
slapping me in the face. Now, for no explainable reason, they each
deliberately ignore, and avoid me.
you add this up, do you think so many results
if you heard my message entitled “Paul's
Thorn” you would hear a more detailed and specific account of my
thorn. It is a demon that follows me around and tries to poison every
relationship I develop. Spiritually discerning people who know me
have identified it for decades. Prophetic words have been uttered about it.
And Then Poisoned
previously stated and as you know first hand, when
we were poisoned, we instantly became homeless. My wife was
bed-ridden for four years. She was so weak she could not function
without help. You were there and saw her with your own eyes. You saw
how fragile she was, and how much personal care she required, 24/7.
Church friends who once embraced us and told us how they loved us,
now no longer answered my calls, or returned my voice mails. They
ignored our cries for help. We were
a thousand miles from our nearest relatives. So I was her sole
caregiver, and was glad to be able to do that. You may remember my
calling it “two people
using one body”. You could see I was
hearts waxed cold. This was a major attack from
satanic forces. We lost our house and virtually everything we owned
due to contamination. Just like the victims of floods, tornadoes, and
hurricanes we saw nearly everything we had acquired in life piled up
five feet high along the street the entire width of our front yard,
awaiting trash pick-up. It was heart-rending to see; and it remains painful to recall.
to abandon my songwriting career and ministry
aspirations, my royalties quickly dwindled, and suddenly we had very little
had to make 15-trips to ER in a 17-month period.
You remember the mask she had to wear. To this day, she is still
forced to wear that mask in public places when exposed to chemical
cleaners or fragrances.
Ours seemed like just one isolated incident. So no
president or governor
declared ours a disaster;
though it was as much a disaster to our lives as any we have all
witnessed on television. Our loss was staggering and not covered by
insurance. There were no TV cameras rolling to stir community
support. No churches or non-profit organizations reached out to help
us. Ours was just one isolated case and drew no media attention.
was before the “9/11
enforcement's response was anemic. At one time or another, we were
nearly everyone claiming to be in covenant with Jesus Christ, except for
me say that of course there were a few wonderful
exceptions in the church. You were such an exception. Their were
times that God would lead believers to us serendipitously, and they
would offer much needed help to get us through the instant crisis.
But it never lasted more than a week or two. Then again, we were
forgotten and alone again. However, we were grateful for each Good
Samaritan that He sent to us. We prayed fervently for God to bless each of them for their
was setting in and out lights were schedule to
be cut off. We approached the local family assistance center from
where my wife had delivered Meals on Wheels for about a decade. They
judged me and refused to help us. We called Operation Blessing (OB)
to which I had given a ton of money since the days it started, back when we still lived in
When the local director heard
our plight, he seemed eager to help. He offered to take our application
by phone to expedite the process. When he heard my name, the change was
palpable. Suddenly, he said before
he could render any help he would require us to provide an affidavit
from our pastor. He would need proof that we were members in good
standing of a local church. A few days later we produced the affidavit.
said OB out of money, to check back another time.
Yet a few months later, when tornadoes ripped
through this county and destroyed people's homes, I would wager that
Operation Blessing never required those people to pass the director's
sniff test” as a prerequisite for relief. Did he requir them to produce an affidavit as he had done to me? But he
sure imposed it upon us. I believe it was unlawful discrimination,
immoral, antagonistic to scripture, and despite unto the Spirit of
I am stating here is true and correct! I fear
the Lord too much to make something like this up. I don't mean to
sound harsh, but if ANYONE doubts and denies this is true, let them
find that man and ask him if he did that to us. If he denies it, have
him meet me on Mount Carmel. As long as I own the video rights to the
event, I'll do it. We'll see if he denies it there, or we'll see
who's lying. The weapons of my warfare are not carnal but mighty
through God even to the demolition of my enemy's strongholds! Let God
hold us both to the same standard to which He held Ananias and
Sapphira; and let the God of heaven answer by fire!
NOTE: I know you are friends with Pat
Robertson. I respect him.
Since OB is under his ministry umbrella, he should be made aware of
this, and get to the bottom of it. If I'm found to be lying, expose
me! If not, root this guy out, and publicly expose him! Look what he
did to us, to the reputation of OB, and to our Lord Jesus Christ. Be
sure of this, one day God is going to do all that and more to that
know you can still picture my wife's fragile health
back then. On another occasion during that winter, we were threatened
with a cut off notice from our electric company. We needed our lights to keep warm, to bath, to
keep perishable food, and to cook. So as a last resort, I asked a
friend who is a local elder to do something he'd seen me do for
others many times in the past. He agreed to go around to people who
knew me, and takw up a collection to help pay our light bill. It was humiliating, but necessary.
he returned after dark, his countenance fell. I
knew it wasn't good. He had one $50.00 bill to offer. He wouldn't
tell me who gave it. But I knew he always carried a fifty in his
wallet for such occasions. I told him I knew he gave it. He would not
deny that I was correct.
said, “...I'm really
sorry brother...all I can tell
you is they've all judged you....”
I asked him who judged me. He
said he couldn't tell me. When I asked what they said about me, he said
he couldn't tell me that either. I thought to myself, so they can
misjudge me, malign me, and
assassinate my character, and you, an elder conceal their sin and
protect their identity?
The church should not be providing refuge for character assassins, we
should be exposing them.
you asked for specific incidents', these are a
all this calamity began,
we hoped and prayed our
unbelieving family members would witness the church's public demonstration of
God's boundless grace and love. In the end the church deemed us
unworthy of their help or love. Knowing first hand my wife's fragile
condition, they were content to allow our lights to be shut off
during a cold Tennessee winter. I suppose they did it to teach me a
lesson, and make me feel the shame. Most of these people were extremely
unsaved family members paid our light bill. What they did more closely resembled God's unconditional love
than the entire local church of Jesus Christ. Imagine what God thinks of
cried out “...Lord, they
wouldn't treat their family
members this way, they wouldn't say no to helping their kids like
this....” If ever I've heard the Lord answer, I believe He
then, and He gave me scripture to confirm it. I believe He said,
because they don't view you as real
family, but I do...and one day they will cry out to me day and night
for deliverance, and I will not hear their cry....”
will come to pass, if it hasn't already. His
words NEVER fail. That's "Thus Saith the Lord!"
the day you all drove up
to visit with and pray for us at our family's home near you? You all
could see how we've always done our best to live as faithful
witnesses, especially to our unbelieving family. We're not
perfect, but God knows we've done our best.
we hoped all our family would see a massive public demonstration of the
of God. Instead, what our family saw from Hendersonville was patent
intolerance, petty selfishness, judgmentalism, and cold hearted
indifference. However, they could not ignore how you all stood with us,
time you came through and helped us. They also noted how you refused to
accept any money for making the long trip up to visit and pray with us
at their home. God took note of that too! We
will never forget what y'all did either.
As you know, we
were staying with various family members because
we had been poisoned were homeless. We had to regroup. One evening, I
was trying to witness to one of them. They were struggling with how a
loving God could allow us to go through all this. You know those
kinds of questions unbelievers ask when we witness to them. You also
met this man when you came to visit us.
they knew the prosperity we had walked away from
to devote our lives to ministry. And they could hear us calling
church folks back home in middle Tennessee, leaving voice mail
messages, desperately pleading for help. And they also observed how
not one single one of them returned our phone calls.
on how we had once prospered, and how we
had sacrificed to serve God here, this man asked me, “...all the years
you both have been going to church, all the money and time you've
given, where's the church now when you need them....?” I
had no answer.
then asked, “...how do
guys get by....?” I said certain family members help a
little, and I still
get a small quarterly royalty check. But the core of our income was that we were receiving Food Stamps,
and she has a small monthly federal disability check. But mostly we
do without a lot of things many people probably take for granted. His
grief and frustration were palpable.
was a man with a proud
German heritage. Throughout WWII, his sister was secretary to the
Mayor of Berlin. But as a young teenager refusing to serve when conscripted into "Hitler's Youth", he
fled Nazi Germany. He hated the injustices he had witnessed
throughout his lifetime. But in his eyes those injustices had always
come from bad governments, crooked businessmen, or evil people. Now
in his old age, as I was presenting him with the gospel of Jesus
Christ, for the first time in his life he'd witnessed such evil and
cold-hearted indifference come directly from people claiming to belong
to the church of the Lord Jesus
he realized it he
blurted out in his German affected English, “...then
the federal government is more reliable than the church....”
Sadly, I had to answer yes. But I qualified my answer, saying that
the government is not more reliable than my Lord Jesus Christ. But I
was forced to admit that the so-called church had failed miserably.
passed away about seven-years later. It is
unfortunate that Hendersonville squandered such a great opportunity
to show the love of Jesus Christ to all the hundreds of people who were
watching us closely, people who we tried to witness to, and who were
struggling to believe. Instead, the church here showed patent
intolerance, petty selfish judgmentalism, and cold hearted
indifference. God will hold them to account for their response. No
repentance will help them. That
too is "Thus Saith the Lord!"
Shake the Dust Off
than once I've been asked, “...why
shake the dust off your feet in protest against them, and just
leave....?” Because He sent me here, and He has never told
me to leave!
Any serious bible student should know why the “shake the dust off”
directive has absolutely no application to situations like this. If
He sends you to do something, you “...endure hardness as a good
soldier....”, you don't quit! You stop because you executed your commission, or because He told you
or because He closed the door and led you away. Hardness is not a
closed door. If early Christians had quit when it got hard, I
wouldn't know Jesus Christ today. What if Jesus had quit when it got
never knowingly or purposely did evil to anyone
here. No one EVER confronted me with ANY sin. No one came to me in a
spirit of meekness to restore me from any alleged sin.
I cried out to the Lord about this, He reminded
me that a servant is not above his Master. What the religious elite
did to Him, they will surely do to me. Then He reminded me of how He
was treated when the Holy Spirit led Him to Nazareth. He showed me
that while He led me to Hendersonville, SHE has chosen to be my
bottom line is the Holy Spirit knows everything
about me. He anointed me, vindicated me with signs, and He sent me
here. If my critics heard His voice, they would understand who I am,
and not misjudge me. So the voice that speaks to them against me, and
drives them like beasts of burden to distance themselves from me is a
very different voice than the One who sent me. Yet they believe their
voice is the Holy Spirit.
If I Were an Unbeliever
I have said many times, if I had been half as bad
as I appear to have been portrayed, neither we, our marriage, nor our
faith would have survived what God has brought us through.
if I were an unbeliever, and I witnessed
someone treating another human being the way some church folks have
treated me, I would avoid them like a plague! If they claimed to be a Christian, I wouldn’t believe
them; nor would I want to become a Christian if theirs was a true representaion of what true Christianity is.
wonder, how many of
my critics could endure thirty some years of what they all meted out
to us? How many would still want to serve the same community in
ministry, who had so treated them? I wonder how many of them would
even want to even go to church anymore?
Not In It For The Money
shortly after we arrived here, I have sensed
that not so subtle inference that I was in the ministry so I can live
off the church, albeit without one scintilla of evidence. Brother, you
God knows, and satan knows I've never been in this for fame or money.
First of all,
if it has done anything, it has made me poor and infamous. If I was in
it for money, I woud have abandoned it long ago. If I had been in it
for the money, as the following article links shows, I would have exploited all those supernatural signs instead of keeping them suppressed from public view until 2014.
you know me, my lifestyle, and my testimony.
You know the truth of what I speak. Most people would refuse to live
my past thirty-plus-years. You know a lot of what we've been through.
You didn't know us when we lost the church, when we were forced to
sell our house, when we spent those two years roasting in that
run-down hot duplex. We had no air-conditioning, and no stove or oven; just a
fan, a borrowed single burner hot plate, and a small toaster oven.
During those two years, I worked more hours than any other two years
of my life. Yet the "Lazy
Lie" spread malignantly, eponentially. And I could wallpaper a
house with the late notices I received. Those two years ended in
eviction. The only time either of us has ever been sued in court.
I was not side-tracked but pushed forward with fulfilling my commission.
we were poisoned twenty years ago, we spent several years with no
furniture, plastic garbage bags were our window curtains, and that
only scratches the surface. You saw it when you visited us at our
apartment. For nearly a third of the past twenty years, I couldn't
afford to buy my wife a Christmas, birthday, or anniversary gift or
card. I can't remember how many years it's been years since I could
afford to take her out to dinner.
odd how the funniest dumbest things stand out in
your memory. But I love "Egg
McMuffins". And I went for
about four years without enough discretionary money to afford a
single Egg McMuffin. That's almost beyond belief. Last
Christmas, I finally broke that cycle and splurged; and treated myself
to an "Egg McMuffin".
any of my critics really believe that after thirty-plus-years
of all that, if I could have done something to change it, that I would
not have jumped at the opportunity to do so? Does anyone really believe we
have done this for thirty-plus-years just to get attention (as some have alleged)? It hasn't
gotten us attention. It caused everyone to ignore us, many to abandon
us, and some to even shun us! What kind of fool would keep doing it
for attention after decades of those kinds of results? We're not
any of my critics really believe that I wouldn't
do everything in my power to change those circumstances; if I could
do so without getting out of God's will?
if I am lying or even exaggerating this picture
that I'm painting, God will surely judge me. With all the
supernatural experiences I've encountered, and the awesome power I've
witnessed, the photographic evidences of the supernatural, and
knowing how real that judgment will be; does anyone think I'd have so
little fear of the Lord as to make this kind of stuff up?
Thirty Something Church
I write this letter, I am
now in my sixties, and I reflect over the years. When I moved here, I
envisioned myself being at a place today vastly different from where
I am. My plan was to have a 30+ year old church that had given birth
to dozens of baby churches, with scores of grand, and great
grand-baby churches. I was on fire about aggressive evangelism.
dreamed of having a
congregation today that on Sunday mornings at least half would have
their Greek texts open following and checking my teaching. I planned
to teach them basic Koine Greek, Hermeno-exegesis, Ante Nicene
History, Demonology, Bible based Deliverance, true Holy Spirit Baptism,
hearing God's voice,
walking in the supernatural, trying the spirits, and everything else
I knew, and everything I would continue to learn.
committed to God that when
the congregation could sustain us, I would devote up to 6-hours each
weekday to prayer and study. Having done that, I knew when I stood at
the pulpit I'd have something to say worth hearing.
gossip, judging, and
maligning worked their destruction. The venom from a viper's tongue
is just as deadly, whether it strikes from a pulpit, a pew, a phone,
or a dinner-table!
called my hard earned scholarship “head
knowledge”. In spite of
any efforts to rebut, being so out-numbered, the critics prevailed.
They are all without excuse.
As I taught them back then, so I shared
with Copeland in June, 1995:
Orthodox Jew who feels
called to devote their life to study Torah, can be supported for life
by the community. Because to the Orthodox Jew, studying Torah is the
most important thing they can do with their life.
Muslim who feels called
to devote their life to study the Koran, can be supported for life by
the community. Because Muslims believe studying the Koran is one of
the most important things they can do with their life.
as a Christian minister,
I wanted to study our scriptures, and then teach them to teach others, to help
The Kingdom. And these hyper-spiritual giants around here responded
by treating me like I was an itinerant peddler, hawking some miracle
elixir in an old west medicine show.
bottom line is, the vast
majority of American Christians do not hold our scriptures at the
level of importance to which Muslims hold their Koran, and Orthodox
Jews hold their Torah.
is especially true of
the charismatic church folks in this region. Regardless of what they
may say to the
contrary, look at what they do! Look at their reckless interpolations
of the scriptures. Look at how they treat those who work hard to
apply scholarship and integrity to the study of scripture. They hurl
perjorative phrases like labeling "scholarship" as "head knowledge",
and "seminary" as "cemetery". If
Charismatic Christians here had really cared about scriptural
should've put their money where
their mouths were. We did!!!
you know, recently John MacArthur
brought the integrity of the Charismatic Movement into question. I
found much of what he averred to be way over the top. But some of it I
welcomed because it was
warranted. One warranted issue he
cited was the lack of “self
He asked why someone from within had not already cried out against
the heresies and abuses, and why no one called for Biblical correction. He asked
why it fell to an outsider like him.
response is simple. Just
look at what they did to me. Anyone who dares to question the
status quo, or challenge the powers that be within the movement gets dubbed a "Rebel". They run
the risk of being ruined, just like they did me. I remember crying out for
change on my radio broadcasts on WLAC and WNQM in the early 1980s. I
warned against defiling the church with politics, and its destiny of
failure. When Reagan was running for his second term, I declared on WLAC that they could elect Hal Lindsey as president and
it would not save this country! (Hal
had been recently named New York Times Author of the Decade for the
I screamed out that the only hope for America was for
the Church of Jesus Christ to repent for abandoning her first love, and
to return to doing her first works!
exposed how some ministries were buying cheap imported cassette tapes
for less than 45 cents each; loading them with teachings on healing,
prosperity, and deliverance; then targeting the sick, the poor, and the
demonically oppressed desperately seeking help and relief; then
the nearly 2,400% hyper-inflated
price of $10.00 each. I pointed out how there were laws protecting
citizens from con-artists, selling desperate people in adverse
circumstances, plastic jugs containing water,
for $10.00 a gallon. Yet some ministries were doing the very
kind of thing. Selling equally desperate people in adverse
cassette tapes they claimed were filled with the Water of Life, for
$10.00, and doing so with immunity.
I screamed out that any church/ministry who continued to
as a "for profit"
entity, and who was not substantially engaged in
expository teaching, evangelization, and helping the poor and
disadvantaged, they should lose their tax exempt
some people were offended.
long, I was off the air, no longer
funded, until at last my
voice went all but silent. Can you imagine Spirit Filled believers
being so offended and responding to an honest and
truthful word of correction by destroying the messenger and his ministry? It showed where their hearts were.
is proving that I was correct, and the powers that got me expelled from
radio will answer for what they did at the judgment. Just wait and see
what else happens to prove my prophetic words correct. As I have
proclaimed for nearly five decades, "...time is a true prophet's best
friend, and a false prophet's worst nightmare...." The
best is yet to come!
what a waste of our
sacrifice, gifts, talents, and so many precious years. What a
terrible unnecessary price we paid. How sad.
could serve as "Exhibit A"
to make the case that regardless of how big you dream, how hard you
try, and how long you endure, sometimes things still don't turn out
the way you planned; no matter how noble or sacred your cause. A city
can harden its heart and determine to be your Nazareth. If they could
do it to Jesus, they can do it to anyone!
I do get
discouraged and the devil tells me it's all been a waste. It's true,
been too much sacrifice, endurance, and hard work. Honestly, the
fruit HAS NOT been commensurate with the sacrifice. But when I resist
the devil, he flees. Then I must confess God's truth by audible
declaration to the seen world and the unseen world, that doing God's
will is NEVER a waste. When God spoke through Elisha the prophet to
dig deep ditches throughout the valley, it was not irrational, nor
was it a waste. Time proved it would have been irrational, foolish,
even suicidal to not dig those ditches. God knew something neither the critics, nor the ditch
diggers knew. So He spoke through His prophet. If we trust God
and obey His commands, no matter how foolish or outrageous they may
appear to be, He will turn our wasted years into treasure. He's done
it for me countless times throughout my life. But at this point, only He can restore the
years the devourer has consumed.
regardless of how
it may appear I am not bitter, I'm just heartbroken. Nor do I blame
every church goer for my adversity. I blame the power of darkness!
God will judge the role any brethren may have played; and believe me
many did play starring roles in this drama.
the emotions I feel
today are more like what I felt for a prison inmate who was recently
cleared by DNA. He was wrongfully convicted by an over-zealous
prosecutor, using scant evidence, to prove a despotic theory, to a
racially prejudiced jury, on
trumped up charges, in a fragmented case.
Like me, this innocent man lost 30
of the best years of his life unjustly, except his was by unjust
incarceration. I think of all
the opportunities that were stolen from him, and the shame and scorn
imposed upon him and his family. All the loved ones now departed, and
years of memories he should have been able to make with them; those are all
now gone, and irrevocably lost.
was imposed upon him by the state; ours was imposed upon us by the wagging tongues of church
him, I rejoice in our
anticipated victory and freedom, yet mourn for the loss of our 30+
years, which now appears a wasteland, the broken dreams, and all the
loss. Like his,
our loss wasn't necessary, it was preventable. It was caused by
unbridled tongues, some intentionally, most just recklessly. When
someone steals your property he has robbed you. When he steals your
time or disparages your name, he has killed a sacred part of who you
are, your life, and your very soul.
is nothing in me
worthy of boasting. But anyone who examines my spiritual record will
know two things about me: scripturally, I am not a novice, and I know
when the Holy Spirit is speaking His Rhema to me. My writings, and the scores
of prophecies fulfilled with 100% accuracy substantiate that.
Unquestionably, God has vindicated me with supernatural signs,
repeatedly over six decades.
fashioning this letter, I
have tried to be cautious, measured, and deliberate. I know if I have
lied, misled, or even exaggerated my account of these events, I will
account to Him for that; both in this life, and at the judgment.
and for all that I
still keep coming back for more. I still have a heart to minister
here. Not because this region deserves it, but because this is my
calling. He sent me here. One of these days these people will know
the anointing and ministry they've soundly rejected, was really from
God. But my burden for this city, even this region still remains. He
put that in me. Until He removes that burden from me, I plan to
stay. But I must confess, I am growing very weary.
you know I'm not
one who slings phrases around like 'Thus
Saith the Lord....', 'God
told me this....', 'The
Lord Showed me that....',
etc. You also know
that just because it hasn’t worked out doesn't mean I missed God's
will by coming here. Jesus was soundly rejected at Nazareth. If today's
critics and analysts examined the Nazareth campaign solely on the
merits, using today's standard of success, determined not to consider
the Lord Jesus Christ was the central figure, they would likely
conclude Nazareth was a
failure. But we know it was not a failure by God's standard; and Jesus
didn't miss the Father's will by going there. Against all the critics
I remain steadfast, God sent me here.
I stated, if I had been
the person critics obviously portrayed me as over these decades, I
would have never survived. Otherwise, when the devil sifted us like
wheat, we would have fainted.
I'm no more boasting about
my supernatural experiences than Paul was boasting of his. Because as
with Paul, I had nothing to do with receiving them, the Lord did it
all. But I understand Paul's being “Betwixt Two”. I have only
shared this once, or maybe twice because it is intensely personal and
this is how I see being “Betwixt Two”:
living in a rat infested
slum (this world)
while my mansion is being prepared (in
When my mansion is ready, why on earth would I fight to remain living
in the rat infested slum? Only someone who doesn't believe there
really is a mansion over there, would be that foolish.
I AM "Betwixt Two";
between the indescribable glory of being with Him there; and finishing
course here, and my wife still desperately needing me here. Brother, I
witness it is so beautiful in His Shekinah presence over there. But you and
I know she
deserves better than this. When I see her suffer, it's hard to keep
turning the other cheek, it's hard to keep forgiving those who wound
us. It is especially difficult forgiving those who minimize our
suffering, infer we brought this upon ourselves, suggest this was all
our fault, or worse, say we did this to ourselves
merely seeking attention. Sometimes, I feel the urge to call fire down out of heaven upon them all!
to top it all off,
there are the Breitbarters. Imagine an attorney using his superior
position over me in a law office, to coerce me into sharing private
experiences. Then feigning an interest
in the spirituals, to lure me into a series of conversations discussing
controversial subject. Then using his position as an inducement to drag
me into sharing personal experiences with family, and other law office relationships.
Then repeatedly steering the conversations into issues involving
colleagues on Music Row, and ministry relationships.
All the foregoing
matters had been
resolved more than two decades earlier. Feeling uncomfortable with his
invasive questioning, I asked him if he could guarantee attorney client
level priviledge. Then he assured me of lawyer-client privilege. Yet
the whole time he was secretly recording all of
parties collude to take segments from recordings of my
iterating what were
temptations in my mind, that never proceeded beyond imagination, and
then merge them with utterances of literal statements and prayers I
actually made, creating a compilation of phrases purposely assembled to
make them say something vastly different than what I actually said or
distributing those artfully excerpted portions out of context. The only
logical purpose had to be to destroy me and/or those relationships God
anyone could intentionally set out to destroy me like that; knowing
what all we've been through, and how hard we've worked to recover.
It's difficult to believe anyone is that cold hearted and evil; yet
someone was. And they're still hiding like roaches inside a darkened
other words, they did to me what Breitbart did to our sister in Christ
Jesus, Shirley Sherrod. If you Google Breitbart/Sherrod, you'll see
what I mean by that.
they had seen what I have
witnessed when the Lord does warfare, they would tremble at their
future. Anyone who knows my full testimony knows what I mean. How
many has He struck, and how many has He removed from their place for
coming against His servant
since this "Hands of Fire"
anointing came? It was
not at all because of my prayers, but because of His promise.
Sometimes, I didn't even know anything had been done to me until they
were stricken; and I observed the trail of the serpent leading back to
them. He will
defend me in His zeal. And that IS
"Thus Saith the Lord"!
therefore will I rather glory in my
weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ might rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians
and the Bride say, Come. And let him
that heareth say, Come”
Revelation 21:17 .
“Even so, come
© - GERRY PHILLIPS -
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED